Sizing Up
by tweety-src-clt9
Summary: For many years, witches fantasize about Harry Potter and ALL there is to him. After the wedding, Hermione unlocks the secret every witch wants to know. ONE-SHOT.


**SIZING UP **

by: tweety-src-clt9

Hermione Granger would be changing her surname next week. Yes, in just a few days she would be marrying her best friend, Harry James Potter. Just thinking about her fiancé, Harry, made her smile.

Even after a year of dating, she still could not believe that she would be Harry's wife soon. It wasn't even the fact that she would be marrying the catch of the century, no. She had always seen her fiancé as 'just Harry' after all. The thing she could not easily get a grasp on was the fact that after all these years, with him after other witches in Hogwarts, and her fancying other wizards, it would be Harry Potter who would be waiting at the end of the aisle as she walked on her father's arm.

It seemed so surreal. After all these years, Harry James Potter and Hermione Jean Granger, the best of friends, as platonic as could be, would be marrying each other. As she thought about it though, it just made sense. She and Harry made sense. They were simply perfect together _– _like yin and yang balancing each other.

Hermione Granger could not live without Harry Potter. In turn, Harry Potter would not survive without Hermione Granger. It could only be summarized in those two sentences.

As she thought about Harry once again, she had a wistful smile on her face. He truly was such a lovable amiable man. He supported her, respected her, listened to her, and accepted everything about her. She could not ask for more. Not only that, aside from the ways Harry Potter loved her as shown by his actions, the wizard could easily melt her heart with a single lopsided grin. With his messy raven hair, beautiful emerald green eyes, and his tall muscular frame, her fiancé was a scorching hot wizard. Really, who would have thought that her nerdy self would end up marrying such a damn fine bloke?

Thinking about their upcoming nuptials, and what came after the ceremony, she blushed. After saying their vows, she would share Harry's bed and she would be his in every sense of the word. While it was so romantic that Harry respected and shared her opinion about physical intimacy, she could not help feeling scared yet excited at the same time.

When she started dating Harry, the word _size _kept popping up. The first time she was asked that question, she immediately said 10. It was his shoe size, after all, a fact that she had always known even before they got together. When Parvati and Susan giggled like crazy, she was confused. When Lavender explained the innuendo, she was gobsmacked. She thought they were asking about his shoe size. Boy was she a gullible idiot! When she realized her mistake, she blushed. Never again did she entertain questions of that nature.

Since she was Hermione Granger though, she got curious. So, she found a magazine article that correlated a man's shoe size to the size of his _you know_. Since a shoe size 10 was considered average, she reckoned it's not that bad. At least the pain she would be expecting for their wedding night would be tolerable.

When she told Harry about this, her then-boyfriend laughed so hard despite the adorable redness in his cheeks. Harry was rather shy about intimacy due to his upbringing. After recovering from the shockingly embarrassing yet amusing story, they agreed to just ignore questions of similar nature. Because really, any reply she would make would surely end up on the front page of _Witch Weekly. _Harry Potter was the wizarding world's most eligible bachelor after all.

Witches would pay good money to know every single detail about Harry Potter, most especially about _that _part of his body. Shaking her head to clear herself of these thoughts, she grinned as she saw Ginny, Lavender, and Parvati dancing sexily on the make-shift dance floor in the large living room of 12 Grimmauld Place.

She laughed at her friends' antics. In as much as she loved them, they could really get overboard at times.

As she sipped her fifth glass of wine, she could feel herself getting tipsy as well. She and her ten closest female friends were left all alone at the Black Manor to celebrate her bridal shower, one of the many she had already been given ever since she got engaged. Truth be told, this was her fifth and final bridal shower, the first one was organized by her mother just two months after her engagement. Because of the generosity of the people who loved her, she now had a closet full of lingerie, undergarments, and other provocative excuses for clothing.

"I'm getting so drunk… and tired of dancing… Time for presents," Ginny slurred as she plonked herself on the sofa.

"Oooh! Presents!" Lavender giggled. Parvati winked at Hermione and she flicked her wand to summon the presents they all brought for the bride to be.

"I'll go first," Ginny exclaimed with excitement as she cradled her large present to her chest. Handing it to Hermione, the curly-haired witch eyed her friend warily. Ginny Malfoy was a feisty wild cat so Hermione gulped as she prepared for the worst. Carefully opening the large gift box, Hermione blushed as she pulled out a big stuffed toy in the shape of a penis. As everyone saw the gift, they started giggling like coquettish teenagers.

"Ginny!" She admonished.

"What? I even have it embroidered see? _Harry Potter's dick – Personal Property of Hermione Jean Granger,"_ Ginny pointed to the embroidery on the center of the stuffed toy.

"You know, luv, you do know _every _witch age fourteen and up, all want to know what your beloved fiancé is carrying underneath his trousers, right?" Susan Weasley teased.

"_Oui! _Even I am curiouz. Zomething about a wizard's power and 'is size," Fleur said conspiratorially.

"I actually imagine Harry as long, large, and thick… Wizard must be damn perfect," Lavender swooned.

"Lavender Brown!" Hermione glared at the blonde.

"Oh, come now, 'Mione. My Lav and I may be witches' witches but even we are curious," Daphne Greengrass wrapped an arm around her girlfriend's waist. Lavender drunkenly leaned on her shoulder.

"Well… I for one could say that Hermione over here should prepare for Harry's stamina… My Neville is a powerful wizard, but we all know that Harry is the most powerful wizard in Britain, so… you know what I mean," Luna Longbottom said in her signature dreamy voice and the other girls sighed wistfully.

"You know, I find it so disturbing that you guys fantasize about my fiancé," Hermione said grumpily.

"Well, we fantasize about the idea of Harry, not really him. We know he's yours, 'Mione," Parvati said placatingly and the others nodded.

"Anyway… my turn to give my gift," Luna handed Hermione a bag and it contained potions. She gave Luna a confused look.

"They are stamina and pain-relief potions. You'll need them for the honeymoon and after that," Luna winked and Hermione rolled her eyes despite the blush in her cheeks.

"Wait! Wait! Before we give Hermione our next gift, what about a toast?" Padma Patil raised her glass in the air.

"Alright! We all need to get totally wasted!" Ginny cheered.

"To Hermione Granger, the witch who owns _everything _about Harry Potter, the world's hottest wizard," Lavender Brown raised her glass.

"To Hermione Granger!" Her friends echoed and they all drank their wine. After that, gifts were given, naughty stories exchanged, and everyone got tipsier and tipsier as each bottle of wine, Firewhiskey, and muggle alcohol was consumed…

* * *

Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Draco Malfoy, and Seamus Finnigan, all exited the fireplace preparing for the worst. What greeted them was beyond their imagination. The stench of alcohol was so strong that they were honestly surprised that they could not smell vomit in the air.

"Er, I reckon you all are here for your witches, so why don't you just scan the house," Harry looked at the other wizards who only winced in agreement.

As they looked around, they could tell that these witches had too much fun last night. There were magazines scattered everywhere, posters of sexy muggle men, and some lingerie on the floor and the table.

"Found my wife," Draco pointed to Ginny who was snoring on the couch with Luna awkwardly positioned on her lap.

"I think my little moonflower is in for a spanking tonight," Neville shook his head in fond exasperation.

"Spanking? My! My! The Longbottoms are kinky," Draco teased and Neville blushed.

"I didn't – fine! You bloody lot keep this a secret," Neville threatened and the others chuckled. As Draco and Neville attended to their wives, Harry turned to Ron and Seamus.

"Why don't we try the other rooms in the house?" Harry suggested and he received identical nods. When Ron nearly tripped on a red lace thong, Harry and Seamus chuckled which made the ginger wizard huff.

Deciding to try the dining room, Harry could only shake his head in fond exasperation as he saw his beloved curled up like a cat on top of the large wooden table. Hermione was sleeping soundly with her head cradled in a pillow shaped like a penis. Making his way toward his fiancée, he carefully side-stepped on Daphne and Lavender who were cuddling each other in just their shorts and bras on the floor. _These witches sure know how to throw a wild party, _he thought with amusement as he stood in front of Hermione's sleeping form.

Hermione's long curly hair was even wilder than he could ever remember. Most of her hair was covering her beautiful face as she made adorable snoring sounds. Gently pushing away strands of her hair, he crouched down to kiss Hermione's cheek. She slowly turned towards him and her eyes fluttered open.

"Ha – Harry?" She whispered.

"Good morning, my darling," he grinned.

"Why are you – double?" Hermione raised a hand to her temple and started massaging her forehead.

"Wild party, eh?" He teased and she blushed furiously.

"I – I – well – "

"It's alright, darling. No worries," he winked. "Kreacher!" Harry called out.

"Master Harry be calling Kreacher," the house-elf bowed respectfully.

"Hi, Kreacher. Sorry to be a bother but – "

"Master be never a bother, no no no," Kreacher interrupted.

"Right, thank you, Kreacher. Could you please get a hangover – "

"Here, master. Give to mistress," Kreacher handed him a purple potion in a small flask.

"Thank you – " he stopped speaking since the house-elf already popped away.

"Here you go, darling," he handed the potion to Hermione after he removed the lid. Helping her to sit on the dinner table, he pushed her hair away from her face as she drank.

"Arghh!" Hermione protested as she downed the potion. He only chuckled at that. When he saw the penis pillow and the embroidery at the center, he smirked.

"Cozied up to your property eh?" He teased.

"What property?" Hermione's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He only pointed to her pillow. Following the direction of his finger, she squeaked as her cheeks flushed crimson.

"I – I – it's a gift!"

"I can tell," he smirked.

"I swear – we're so drunk – and – " Hermione's panicky voice made him chuckle as he pulled her to his chest for a warm hug.

"Never change, darling. Never change," he whispered as he kissed the top of her head.

"This is so embarrassing. I'm never living this down," she murmured.

"Well, I'm the only one who saw you. We could disapparate to your flat. Save you from Ron's teasing," he offered.

Hermione lifted her face from his chest and looked at him with a shy smile. "I can't apparate yet… Still a bit dizzy although the potion's working," she muttered and Harry chuckled.

"Well then, it's a good thing I'm here, eh?" He winked as he helped her off the table.

"_Accio_ Hermione's bridal shower presents," Harry flicked his wand and lingerie, clothing, and other things he did not know of came flying towards him. Conjuring a bag, he shrunk Hermione's presents with a blush on his face. The glimpses of the lingerie made his blood boil as he pictured his gorgeous fiancée in them. _Get a grip, Potter! Just a few more days until the wedding, _he chastised himself.

"What about that? You'll just hold it then?" He pointed to the pillow and Hermione blushed. Picking the pillow from the table and giving him one playful whack, Hermione muttered, "it's actually comfy." Chuckling at that, he wrapped an arm around Hermione's waist and apparated them back to her flat. It was time to take care of his fiancée and to spend the rest of the day with her. After all, it won't be long until Mrs. Weasley and Emma Granger would force him to stop seeing Hermione before the wedding because of some silly superstition.

* * *

Hermione Potter had a wistful smile as she watched her husband dancing with her mother. After dancing with the various men who played significant parts in her life, starting with her husband, then her father, Arthur, Ron, the rest of the Weasley men, and little Teddy, she decided to rest her slightly aching feet. Even the best cushioning charms could not endure all the dancing she just had.

"Psst!" Ginny caught her attention as she and Luna sat beside her.

"Hey Gin, Lu," she greeted her friends.

"This is it, Hermione. Time for the moment of truth," Ginny said dramatically and she blushed.

"Now, we already added in more stamina potions in your bag, seeing the way your new husband's eyes have been glued to you since you walked down the aisle," Luna remarked and Ginny giggled. Hermione could only sigh at that. Her friends meant well but they could really be annoying.

"Alright. Is that all?"

Luna and Ginny shook their heads and each witch whispered something that made her flush like a tomato. When each witch delivered their message, they gave her a playful wink as they walked back to the dancefloor dragging their husbands along the way.

When she felt someone touch her shoulder, she nearly yelped. Seeing that it was Harry, she managed a smile.

"Hello, Mrs. Potter," Harry grinned.

"Hello, husband," she smiled back.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Um… okay," she said shyly.

Holding out his hand, Hermione accepted it as they stood up together. Ginny gave her the trio's trusty beaded purse while Ron handed Harry a backpack.

With well wishes and some naughty remarks from their friends, Harry and Hermione Potter portkeyed to the first pit stop of their month-long honeymoon, the Black Island…

* * *

With all the tips she received from her friends, the books and articles she had read about what to expect, Hermione Potter laid on a large bed shivering with nerves and excitement as she waited for her husband to finish with his shower.

Randomly reading a page on the book she brought along just to pass the time, she glanced toward the door of the ensuite bathroom when it opened. She gulped as she saw Harry walking towards her with only a towel around his waist.

Her eyes were immediately drawn to his tanned skin, sculpted chest, strong arms, his six-pack abs, and the happy trail that disappeared into the white towel that concealed the rest of his body. When her eyes connected with his, she felt her mouth running dry. Harry's emerald green eyes were darkened with sexual awareness that she could feel the room temperature heating up.

"See something you like, Mrs. Potter?" He smirked as he confidently walked towards the bed.

"I – er, well – " she blushed even more as she started blabbering like an idiot.

"You know, I should smack your friends in the head," Harry chuckled as he sat by her side.

Shifting to her right so she could face him, she asked, "what do you mean?"

"They've been scaring you with their silly stories, I think," he lovingly cupped her cheek and she leaned into his touch.

"What makes you say that?" She whispered as she gave out a slight shiver.

"The penis pillow. The questions about _size _ever since we got together," his breath fanned her face since he was sitting so close to her. She only closed her eyes as she waited for what would happen next.

"I trust you, Harry," she breathed.

"And you know I'll take care of you, right?" She opened her eyes and smiled. Seeing the love in his eyes, she leaned in to capture his lips in a passionate kiss.

As things heated up, hands explored places that had never been touched, Harry slowly lifted her nightgown from her body before haphazardly throwing it on the floor. Despite feeling self-conscious, seeing how his eyes darkened with desire, she knew that she could do this. Gryffindors charged ahead after all.

And then, when Harry removed the towel from his waist, she nearly recoiled in fear.

As Hermione Potter laid on a large bed on her wedding night – seeing ALL of Harry for the first time, she gulped.

_How in the bloody hell would he fit?_

Honestly! Even his 'size' was affected by the Harry Potter factor.

Harry must have sensed her apprehension when he looked down at his long, large, and thick manhood. "I sure hope _it _lives up to the hype?" He chuckled in amusement as he looked at her once again.

"Do you think – well, will it fit?" She asked nervously.

"We always fit together perfectly. This is just one of those ways," Harry kissed her forehead reassuringly.

"Okay…" She was slightly apprehensive but she trusted Harry.

"I love you, Hermione," Harry whispered before capturing her lips in a heated kiss.

As the night wore on, with the newlyweds expressing their love in the most primal of ways, Hermione Potter realized that the Harry Potter factor could be a truly wonderful thing… Slightly painful yes, but it was indeed wonderful. Making love seemed to be something that her Harry was a natural at.

* * *

"Hermione Potter! You owe us details," Ginny said conspiratorially as she hugged her dear friend who just returned from her honeymoon.

"Ginny, let the witch breathe," Luna admonished.

Hermione glanced at her female friends gathered around the table and blushed. She anticipated the topic they wanted to talk about. She told Harry about this and her husband only gave a sly wink.

"Could you please cast a privacy charm first? I really don't want anyone hearing about this," Hermione sighed.

Luna smiled while casting _muffliato _and notice-me-not charms around their table. Nodding to Hermione, all of them were on the edge of their seats as they waited for news.

"Well, er, I'm pregnant," Hermione started and all of them cheered.

"I knew it! I knew it! Harry Potter is a stud!" Lavender giggled.

"So… how was it?" Parvati leered.

"I am _not _telling you that!" Hermione blushed and her friends laughed.

"Merlin! Harry Potter must have knocked you up on the first try. What a legend," Susan remarked.

"Er, he did actually. We went to a healer this morning and the conception date was on our wedding night," Hermione reddened even more as the witches giggled.

Hermione Potter never gave details but her blushing said it all. While she trusted her friends to never spill the secret about Harry Potter's legendary _wand, _none of them noticed a little water beetle eavesdropping on the conversation.

* * *

Harry Potter rolled his eyes as he read the cover story on _Witch Weekly _by none other than his favorite journalist, Rita Skeeter.

Skimming through the article, he sighed. The stupid beetle must have listened in during Hermione's luncheon with her friends. Taking the magazine in one hand, he carefully carried a tray full of breakfast that he cooked for his beautiful wife.

Opening the door to the master bedroom, he smiled as he saw Hermione still sleeping on the bed. Her wild hair was covering her face as it spread like a halo. Placing the tray on the nightstand, he pushed her hair away and kissed her on the forehead.

Hermione's eyes opened and she smiled at him.

"Hermione Potter Ravished on Wedding Night – Pregnant with First Potter Child," he said.

"What?" Hermione's eyes widened in surprise.

"Rita Skeeter's cover story on _Witch Weekly,_" he chuckled.

"Oh, Harry! I am so sorry!"

"Oh, it's alright, darling. It makes me bloody proud that you seem to be very satisfied with me," Harry winked.

Hermione Potter could only blush as she tried to whack her smug husband with a pillow.

**THE END  
**

* * *

A/N: Written for the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Challenges and Assignments) Forum as an entry from Ravenclaw. This fic is a reply to _Task # 4 - Pot Still: Write about getting drunk, _under the Brewing & Distilling: Tools of the Trade list.

Word count: 3,427

This story is an extension of my drabble, _Size. _

I am writing an update for Zero Visibility, among other things, but my muse is not cooperating. So, I wrote this for fun instead. This is meme-based and the conversation amongst the witches is based on a _Cosmo _article I read years ago.

Review, fave, and follow if you enjoyed this silliness.


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